"Temptation" is REAL!

Have you ever said “I could never do that”, “I would never cheat on my spouse AND they would never cheat on me”? As much as I pray daily for marriages to never experience this devastating encounter, we cannot allow ourselves to be naïve or blind. So many of us who declare that adultery will never happen in our marriage are not doing anything to ensure that we don’t give room to temptation. Faith without works is dead. We must apply action to our faith.

For instance: we declare no adultery in our marriage, but do we take our spouse for granted. We declare no adultery, but do we try to communicate effectively or are we nagging, arguing and complaining majority of the time. We declare it, but are we sexually satisfying our spouse or do we come up with excuses to not or are we more focused on pleasing ourselves instead of pleasing our spouse. We declare it, but do we make an effort to spend quality time together. We declare it, but are we in agreement with one another and support each other’s goals/dreams. We declare it, but are we respecting our spouse and their opinions or do we listen to others instead.

There are so many ways the enemy can (and will) try to use to cunningly distract you (and your spouse) to knock you off your post. His goal is to destroy marriages – especially Christian marriages. He will introduce the temptation in such a subtle way that you wouldn’t even recognize it until one day you realize that you have feelings for someone else other than your spouse.

During our “date-night” a couple of weeks ago, my husband and I saw the movie “Temptation” by Tyler Perry. It was a great movie. One that exposed the possible consequences of giving room to temptation. For those of you that have not seen the movie, I would definitely recommend you and your spouse seeing it. We couldn’t help but feel sympathy for them due to the turn of events they experienced. However, we both recognized the reality of it. This movie served as more of a confirmation to what we stand on, believe in and declare…that there’s nothing or no one worth losing our marriage and family over! In some cases, even losing your own life because of the new relationship becoming abusive or contracting a life-threatening disease due to unprotected sex. We would rather put all of that time and energy into fixing our marriage instead of stepping out of God’s Will and breaking our covenant to try to and start a new relationship with someone else.

The couple in the movie, Brice and Judith, had known each other for 19 years and was married for 6. They were very familiar with one another (like many other married couples). For them, every day was a routine. Let’s look at the definition of routine – a routine is a fixed program or regular procedure. When we begin to do things, our everyday normal things, the same way, it becomes more robotic than natural. A nice way of putting it....routines can become boring. Don't get me wrong, there needs to be structure, order and discipline in your home. But I don't believe there needs to be such a structure that the thought of doing something outside of the normal “routine” is unheard of or absurd. I know realistically every day can't consist of excitement or adventure, but this should be the exception not the rule. Every now and then do something different, something out of the norm.

Speaking of boring, let's take a look at the couple’s sex life. Sexually, they have only "known" one another their entire life. I believe that's extremely awesome because it's exactly the way God wants those that are single to govern their lives – saving oneself for marriage. However, their sex life became a victim to their "routine". And having a sexual routine can make sex (love-making) boring and one dimensional. They were husband and wife, therefore, they were at liberty to explore one another on a deeper level, try new and different positions, make love outside of the bedroom (or bed), express their passion/desire for one another rather than robotically remove their clothes, turn the lights off, lie in bed and have sex their “normal” way. Heck, I'm bored just thinking about it.

Unfortunately, this is the lifestyle of many married couples. They can relate to this "routine" or "fixed program" within their sex life. I can speak on behalf of women, we need, want, and yearn for passion from our husband. For us it's not about swinging us from the chandelier, if our husband can make us scream, or how long he can last. It's more sensual for women. We want to be kissed and touched in every possible area of our body. We want slow, grinding movements. We want our hair stroked, our hands held. In a nutshell, we desire to feel as if we mean the world to our husband…by him “showing” us – not telling us. Wives, we need to tend to his needs as well. If you know he likes (or even loves) things like oral sex, then satisfy your man. If he likes a certain position(s), then allow him to receive you in those ways. My point is…learn your spouse. Try different things. Make it exciting. Make it passionate. Make it unforgettable. It should never be a one way street or a fixed program (routine).

In the movie, the wife, Judith, was intrigued by her client who blatantly admitted his attraction to her. She was very stern in the beginning. She really did love her husband. But she was bored and she didn’t even realize it until she was introduced or propositioned to experience something she had never experienced before. Their marriage lacked excitement. So here she is, her client is telling her the things he would give her, do to her, and how good he could make her feel. She eventually gave in to the passion she could have experienced with her husband. This is a great example of how the enemy works.

Judith would have never thought of being with anyone else other than her husband. She was a Christian and an old-fashion kind of girl. But the devil knew what lacked in her marriage – so he played on that. And he was very persistent might I add. His scheme worked. Judith let her guard down. It started out subtle. She was not one to drink, but while on a business trip with her client, she accepted his offer (one of many) to try a few. One of her many mistakes…she allowed him to cause her to compromise on her beliefs/morals. Her husband would have never insisted or tried to tempt her in doing something she didn’t want to do.

After a few drinks, and alone with her client on his private jet, he made his move. And why not, he knew she was under the influence of alcohol. It was a perfect setup. She initially rejected him, but again, he was persistent. Finally, she gave in to his advances. Here she was, a happily married woman (so she said), passionately making love to a man that was not her husband. She was committing adultery. Something completely out of her character. She would have never imagined herself in this situation.

Majority of affairs begin like this. We put ourselves in environments where we know someone is attracted to us (or vice versa). We think there’s no harm in flirting or them flirting with us – as long as we don’t respond in a way in which they would misinterpret us. We spend a lot of time working or talking with this person. Compliments, laughter, friendly hugs and discussing your marriage seem to be so harmless. But entertaining all (or any) of these things will cause you to develop feels for this other person before you’ve even realized it.

I urge you to be on guard, stay alert. It is so vital for you and your spouse to communicate. Discuss areas of improvement and together work on them. Close any gap. Destroy any void. Don’t give the enemy any room to slide his way in. Brice and Judith had a loving relationship. But he took her for granted. The movie showed how he missed her birthday (2 years in a row). However, her client did not forget – he sent her dozens of roses. Judith was disappointed because she thought they were from her husband. The point is – the other man remembered – her husband forgot. Do you see the door that was opened by her husband taking her for granted? We cannot allow our marriages to be such an easy target.

My marriage battled with adultery because I allowed myself to fall to the temptation of everything I yearned for in our relationship. My need for passion, communication, quality time and not being taken for granted superseded everything I swore I would never do. All of these areas were gaps – huge holes – in our marriage. The enemy knew what I wanted/needed…and so did God. However, I gave in to the offer of “greener grass” instead of allowing God to uproot the weeds in my yard before He could replant seed for new grass. I moved ahead of God – but back then, I thought I was going where “God wanted me to go because I knew He wanted me to be happy”. PUH! – I was so wrong. God does want me to be happy but He would never tell me to break my covenant with my husband in order to fulfill my needs. He gave me a husband for that – even though, at that time, my husband did know how to meet those needs (something God already knew) – I needed to allow God more time to purge things from both of us so He could instill all of the instruments, tools and wisdom needed to successfully satisfy one another in every area of our marriage.

Our prayer is that no marriage – not one – will ever have to (or never again) deal with the torture of adultery. Make that your personal prayer over your marriage. Declare it daily, and then show your faith by applying the actions needed to strengthen your relationship.

Here are a few tips to apply in your marriage as you and your spouse stand against temptation:

Don’t allow your marriage to be consumed by routine.

o Try new and different things.
o Take a walk together after dinner instead of doing your separate routines.
o Watch TV together while holding hands, cuddling or rubbing your spouse’s feet or hair.
o Play cards, video games or board games together.
o Read the same book so the two of you could discuss together.
o Eat out as a family or couple every now and then (as your budget permits).
o Try new positions and locations within your home the next time you make love.
· Together come up with ideas and suggestions on different things you could do as a couple. Be open-minded.

Communicate with one another.

· Ask God to show you “when” to talk to your spouse about sensitive areas. Timing is everything.
· Express your current likes and dislikes in an effective way so that your spouse can understand and receive what you are saying.
· Nagging will never be the solution. If you’ve already expressed something but your spouse is not taking heed, don’t keep mentioning it – give it to Jesus in prayer. Put it in His hands. Nagging just makes things worse.

Compliment your spouse.

· The first to compliment your spouse should be YOU – not a coworker or stranger.
· Pay attention to details – new hairdo, fresh haircut, new outfit, makeup, cologne/perfume, etc.
· Compliment on how delicious each prepared meal taste.
· Compliment on the upkeep of the home.
· Compliment your spouse on how well they handle and interact with the children.
· A simple compliment goes a long way.

Don’t take one another for granted.

· Say “I love you” more often. (daily)
· Remember important dates (birthdays, anniversary, holidays, etc.) – utilize today’s technology – calendars, reminders, and notes are easily accessible through your electronic devise(s). NO EXCUSE!
· Give your undivided attention when speaking to one another.
· Express how much you appreciate your spouse.
· Don’t get so engulfed in your career, hobby, ministry or family/friends and neglect your spouse. Home is your first ministry and priority.
· Encourage one another on goals and dreams.

Set aside quality time.

· The reality is that we spend most of our day at work. And for those of us with children, they require our time as well. So it’s important to set time aside daily for your spouse. The only way to strengthen a relationship with someone is to spend time with them. (This applies to your marriage and your relationship with God)
 · Quality time does not mean discuss work, the kids, bills, etc. – talk about fun and pleasant things. Make one another laugh. Be playful.
o Schedule "date-nights"
o Plan weekend getaways or vacations ever so often throughout the year.

Remember, your marriage is what we make of it. Honor your covenant and continue to strive for oneness.


Blessings,
The Riley’s
Striving for Oneness


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