Stay Alert; You Aren't Exempt!

Never think that YOU are not capable of having an affair. Under the right (technically wrong) circumstances, the devil will tempt you by using someone to fulfill the current void in your marriage. 

I use to be the main one that DESPISED people who cheated on their spouses...I thought it was the worse thing ever!! I hated it so much that I felt sick to my stomach whenever I heard that it happened to people I knew. I would always say to myself "How could people do that? I would NEVER do that to my husband!" But let me tell you...as soon as the void in my marriage became so overwhelming, the enemy sent the right person my way to provide this fantasy for me. 

My experience was devastating to myself, my husband and it almost destroyed my marriage. But what I realized is to never let your guard down and think you are exempt from falling into sin, or a certain temptation, even if it's the sin that you swore you would never partake in. I became the very person I had despised for so many years. Once God delivered me from the sin...I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I was ashamed of myself. How could I allow myself to fall like that? How did I allow my marriage to get to the point where there was such a huge whole of emptiness? Why didn't I see this (temptation) coming? I had to repent for all of the times I judged those who fell into the same sin as I did. God had to teach me that not resolving an issue in your marriage only leads down one road....destruction. 

I couldn't blame my husband...I had to take responsibility. Yes, there was a void because my needs weren't being met, but I wasn't even taking the initiative to meet my husband's needs. So I can't blame him for not doing his part because I wasn't doing mine. Instead, we both remained in our selfish ways, which made things worse. We would seek counseling from our Pastors (at the time) and other experienced couples, but it was like their advice went in one ear and out of the other because once we were alone, our old ways would quickly resurface. If only ONE of us would have really matured and became serious about our marriage, that would have been a HUGE step towards fixing it before separation (or divorce) became the best option.  I didn't mature because I was so concerned with my needs not being met. But because separating was my suggestion, I take full responsibility for giving the enemy a door to just walk right into. 

The point in all of this is to forewarn you to never let your guard down and trust in yourself. But always be on alert and stay rooted in God so that your flesh will never rule your spirit or your soul. Although this is now our past, my husband and both know to be very mindful of all of the subtle AND obvious tricks of the enemy. We know that befriending (or rekindling friendships) with people of the opposite sex, is not safe. But more importantly, leaving things unresolved and not communicating effectively, and sharing our needs to one another so that we can purpose to meet them....is even more dangerous. 

We don't have time or tolerance for anymore drama or deceit in our marriage. We have both declared to leave ALL of the past in the past (no matter the depth) and move forward towards oneness. We pray that you too will never tolerate any distractions in your marriage. Remember, once you take your eyes off of God and no longer stand for His purpose in your marriage is when you are susceptible to fall for anything!! 

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Same Old Tricks

The devil knows your likes and dislikes. He knows which area or areas you're weak in. He knows what and who to use for your demise. He's mastered how to lure you into temptation and successfully entice you to do the things you know are against God's will.

 "But every person is tempted when he is drawn away, enticed and baited by his own evil desire (lust, passions).  Then the evil desire, when it has conceived, gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is fully matured, brings forth death." (James 1:14-15 AMP)

Take a moment to really think about it. When you look back, you'll realize that he uses the same old tricks against you. He doesn't make it obvious...and why would he. In Genesis 3:1a (AMP), we read that the devil is very subtle in his tactics..."Now the serpent was more subtle and crafty than any living creature of the field which the Lord God had made". Therefore, because he is crafty, he wouldn’t "reinvent the wheel"; if the same tricks have been proven to work.

Let me give you an example (know that the example used may not be your weakness, however, this blog applies to anything the enemy can use against us).

EXAMPLE: If you struggled with lust before you were married, he's going to use that in your marriage. He's going to bring the "right" person (so you think they are) around you, and they’re going to say the "right" things (that satisfy your flesh).

The bible instructs us to be on alert:

"Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour". (1 Peter 5:8 NLT)

If you are not diligently staying alert, you allow him to devour you by falling right into his trap...(again), but this time, you're married. Why, because he made it look so tempting that it becomes hard for you to resist. So he then plays with your mind. You start thinking...maybe I married the wrong person, this (new) person has to be my real "soul mate, or spiritual wife/husband", because they do and say the things that my spouse doesn't. At this point you begin to magnify all the wrongs in your marriage, as it relates to your spouse. Then you begin to justify your feelings towards this other person. Now that you've convinced yourself that how you feel is right, you entertain thoughts of how your life would be with them. You now take their compliments to heart, partake in subtle flirting, exchange phone numbers, and accept invitations to lunch. And before you know it, you've engaged in physical contact; be it a hug, kiss, or worse, intercourse.

Once you've stepped across those lines, an emotional bond is created between you and this person, whom you feel is a dream come true, or better yet, heaven sent. Now you're getting deeper and deeper in a relationship with someone you're not married to. As a Christian, you've then entered a carnal state of mind.

"[That is] because the mind of the flesh [with its carnal thoughts and purposes] is hostile to God, for it does not submit itself to God’s Law; indeed it cannot.  So then those who are living the life of the flesh [catering to the appetites and impulses of their carnal nature] cannot please or satisfy God, or be acceptable to Him". (Romans 8:7, 8 AMP)

You are catering to your flesh; driven by your emotions. You justify your feelings and actions, even though they are against God's will; therefore, it displeases Him. At this point, it's becomes very difficult for anyone to talk you back to your "spiritual' sense (spirit minded). A carnal mindset will cause you to get so far away from God, that you no longer pray to Him, hear His gentle voice, or reverence Him. Basically, you're doing your own thing.

The devil will have you lying to your spouse/family. You hide things that pertain to this adulterated affair; like deleting their text messages and emails. You tell your spouse you're going one place, when you know you're really going to meet up with the other person. One sin leads to another. Your life is now a lie! There's no more peace in your mind, in your marriage, in your home, in your finances, or on your job...all hell has broken loose in your life. And why is that? Because the enemy knew that you still (secretly) struggled with lust. Before you decided to get married, you never really dealt with the problem. You "thought" you were delivered from it, when in all actuality; you put your "bondage of lust" in the closet with all your other skeletons. So here it is, the enemy is once again using the same old tricks on you.

But you CAN overcome this! You must overcome it to save your relationship with God AND your spouse! You have to learn to refrain from allowing yourself to fall for the tricks of the enemy (over and over again)! No longer should you be bound by those things you have yet to really and truly ask God to deliver you from!

Rejoice in knowing that it's never too late to get up, dust yourself off...and REPENT!

"If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved". (Romans 10:9-10 NLT)

"Because all people have sinned, they have fallen short of God’s glory". (Romans 3:23 GWT); "God is faithful and reliable. If we confess our sins, He forgives them and cleanses us from everything we’ve done wrong". (1 John 1:9 GWT); "So change the way you think and act, and turn to God to have your sins removed". (Acts 3:19 GWT)

I earnestly pray for those that are currently living in a carnal mindset (and also may be reading this blog)...I pray that God will deliver you right where you are (in your current state of mind)! I pray that you will turn from your ways and get realigned with God's will for your life (and your marriage). REPENT AND TURN from your sins. Stay in GOD'S WORD. Continually PRAY. Then STAY ALERT! And learn to recognize the enemy whenever he "tries" to use the same old tricks against you.

"So be subject to God. Resist the devil [stand firm against him], and he will flee from you". (James 4:7 AMP)

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To Be Honest, Nothing's Changed!

I remember when my husband and I had to sleep on a twin bed during the first few years of our marriage. And because the bed was so small, we had to sleep holding each other. God definitely has a sense of humor because we had to sleep like this even when we went to bed mad. Ok, so that was back in 1999. Now here it is, 2012, and we've since then elevated to a king-size bed. You would think that now we have all the space needed to stretch out, but we still find ourselves sleeping in that same position...in a small section of this enormaous bed. We can't help it, it's familiar to us. One night, as we held each other as usual, God revealed to me that in all honesty, nothing has changed. Yes, our circumstances have changed, as we went from a twin bed to a king, but WE haven't changed. We still sleep as if we were in a twin bed. After all these years and all we've been through, we still hold each other at night, in the same position. Just like we did back then...in the beginning.

Listen, that person you fell in love with and wanted to marry....well they're still the same person...that fact will never change. Your circumstances may change but through all the ups and downs, ins and outs, they are still the same man/woman who made you laugh, who you could share anything with, or couldn't wait to see or talk to. Don't allow what's going on in your marriage cause you to forget where the two of you came from...how it all started. There was once love, passion for one another, agreement, determination to make things work (no matter what)...think back to those moments, those familiar feelings. It's not too late. Search your heart, dig through all the mess, put aside the hurt and find ways to rekindle what has been lost. You can still love your spouse as you did once before.

As you read this, you may be saying to yourself, things have changed. They've hurt me, they don't look at me the same, I'm not in love with them anymore, we have kids so there's no time for one another, we are struggling financially, I've cheated, they've cheated, I've had enough, we've done so much wrong to one another it can't be fixed. Those are all real situations but they come to tear you apart. The devil will try to do anything that we will allow him to do to destroy our marriage. When we finally realize that our spouse is still the person we fell in love with and married, we discover that it's not them making these mistakes that cause (or caused) so much pain and division but it's the enemy using them. You then get the revelation that this is a spiritual battle oppose to a physical battle against you and your spouse. The devil is your enemy, not them.

One day, a book will be published that will share our story in its' entirety, but for now, let's fast forward, 13 years later. We've been through lies, cutting each other with our words, cheating, arguing, having our own agendas, telling each other we're not "in-love" anymore, wishing we weren't married, living as roommates, a miscarriage, having nothing financially, living with family members, to reuniting from separating for almost a year. And that's just the watered down version of our struggles. I tell you all of this to show you that, we too, have been through things and allowed them to obstruct our vision of why we fell in love with each other in the first place. 

As I've shared previously in other blogs, it hasn't been easy getting through all of the past pains, but we have made it a joint determination to strive for oneness. In a sense, it's like we've decided to start all over, using those familair feelings as a foundation. Of course in the beginning thoughts of the pass tried to hinder us. But once we made up in our mind to not let anything else come between us, we learned to combat those thoughts. We can see clearer now. I see the guy I feel in love with back in 1998 (and vice versa). Yes, our circumstances changed throughout the years but what hasn't changed is he's still that guy...my baby!

Another thing that hasn't changed....God! He is (and has been) the same yesterday, today and forever. If He did it before, He will do it again. I know He's brought you out of many situations...this one is no different. He can restore your marriage, your feelings for your spouse, and allow you to forgive. He's waiting for you to allow Him to have His way. Open your heart to Him. Seek Him in prayer. It's in the secret place that He will reveal things you've never seen or heard before. But you must be willing to hear from Him and then obey His instructions which may not always "feel" good to you. Don't just obey Him in the things that's convenient for you. Die to your flesh so that you're not leaning on your own understanding. Focus on what God wants you to do. When you're willing to adjust your life to fit His Word, there's nothing that God won't do for you.

Believe!
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