Never think that YOU are not capable of having an affair. Under the right (technically wrong) circumstances, the devil will tempt you by using someone to fulfill the current void in your marriage.
I use to be the main one that DESPISED people who cheated on their spouses...I thought it was the worse thing ever!! I hated it so much that I felt sick to my stomach whenever I heard that it happened to people I knew. I would always say to myself "How could people do that? I would NEVER do that to my husband!" But let me tell you...as soon as the void in my marriage became so overwhelming, the enemy sent the right person my way to provide this fantasy for me.
My experience was devastating to myself, my husband and it almost destroyed my marriage. But what I realized is to never let your guard down and think you are exempt from falling into sin, or a certain temptation, even if it's the sin that you swore you would never partake in. I became the very person I had despised for so many years. Once God delivered me from the sin...I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I was ashamed of myself. How could I allow myself to fall like that? How did I allow my marriage to get to the point where there was such a huge whole of emptiness? Why didn't I see this (temptation) coming? I had to repent for all of the times I judged those who fell into the same sin as I did. God had to teach me that not resolving an issue in your marriage only leads down one road....destruction.
I couldn't blame my husband...I had to take responsibility. Yes, there was a void because my needs weren't being met, but I wasn't even taking the initiative to meet my husband's needs. So I can't blame him for not doing his part because I wasn't doing mine. Instead, we both remained in our selfish ways, which made things worse. We would seek counseling from our Pastors (at the time) and other experienced couples, but it was like their advice went in one ear and out of the other because once we were alone, our old ways would quickly resurface. If only ONE of us would have really matured and became serious about our marriage, that would have been a HUGE step towards fixing it before separation (or divorce) became the best option. I didn't mature because I was so concerned with my needs not being met. But because separating was my suggestion, I take full responsibility for giving the enemy a door to just walk right into.
The point in all of this is to forewarn you to never let your guard down and trust in yourself. But always be on alert and stay rooted in God so that your flesh will never rule your spirit or your soul. Although this is now our past, my husband and both know to be very mindful of all of the subtle AND obvious tricks of the enemy. We know that befriending (or rekindling friendships) with people of the opposite sex, is not safe. But more importantly, leaving things unresolved and not communicating effectively, and sharing our needs to one another so that we can purpose to meet them....is even more dangerous.
We don't have time or tolerance for anymore drama or deceit in our marriage. We have both declared to leave ALL of the past in the past (no matter the depth) and move forward towards oneness. We pray that you too will never tolerate any distractions in your marriage. Remember, once you take your eyes off of God and no longer stand for His purpose in your marriage is when you are susceptible to fall for anything!!
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I really enjoyed reading this blog, it really touched home for me. During the beginning of our marriage we have experienced a time where my husband felt the need to step outside of our marriage. I tried my hardest bottom believe that was happening, simply because he knew how I felt about cheating. After I intercepted a voice call from a florist....I started my research and found out that he even had a fake Facebook and after the other women could not get in touch with him she started sending me all this information via Facebook and that is when everything came to surface. I started to notice other things and really did not know how to approach him with it. So I decided to talk to a co worker of the opposite sex and that opened the door to us having a emotional connection. I felt I was not of value to my husband and I felt my needs were not being met. But I was unsure of how to go about communicating this to him. As time when in things got out of hand and we came close to just calling it quits, but I reached out to our pastor and he advised counseling. So we both agreed that we needed it, so we went and the things that came out was not good but well needed. There were things that I believe if was discussed before marriage things would have not happened they way they did. After the long counseling sessions and talks we decided to stay together and not make divorce an option. We did a lot of praying, I prayed for my husband and our marriage. I am in this for the long haul and believe he is as well. He tells me all the time and I believe him. Now that everything as been put to the table we make sure to discuss it and if there are any forms of temptations out there we do our best to fix the situation before it because a huge out of hand issue. We made a vow in front GOD, our kids, family, and friends. We decided to not let anything or anyone interfere with out marriage because we know their only method was to break us up. We stay prayed up and allow GOD to guide our steps and keep us grounded. No it's not easy to keep the enemies out because trust me til this day they try. But as long as we keep the lines of communication open and remain honest with each other. I pray for god to keep a hedge of protection over our marriage and my husband. Allow the whole body of armor keep him covered from head to toe and do it allow the enemy in. Remain strong and and prayed up. Never think you are can't fall victim to any form of temptation cause you can. It's how you as a couple handle it. We stay focused on us and our family!!!!!! (AS)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comment and transparency. I praise God that the two of you no longer allow divorce to be an option in your marriage! You are so right, we can't allow ANY room for the enemy...be it through discussing the issues in your marriage with someone of the opposite sex, having secret social media accounts/emails. We must protect the anointing over our marriage...and that's something that no one else can do but the two of you. I know how difficult it is to go through things...but it teaches us so much in the long run. What you and your husband went through has definitely made you all stronger, more dependable on God, and aware of the devil and his same old tricks. Stay encouraged and stay in oneness...like you also mentioned, the enemy will CONTINUE to try to divide you and send people your way that don't have a genuine interest in your marriage. Take care of one another and keep each other covered in prayer!
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