Abortion...Giving up prematurely

I pray that the transparency will help those that are in a season of contemplating aborting their marriage.

During the six months of separation, my husband and I lived in different states. For me, it was like having an opportunity to find myself again and to get rid of this relationship that I did not want anymore. For my husband, it was torture. He was at a very low point in his life. And during that time of solitude, God dealt with him on the past, the present and the future. As he began to seek God for himself, and reading God’s word, he was able to listen to God’s voice. The more he sought God, the more he allowed God to change his inner man. He had repented for all the wrong that he had done during our marriage. He asked God for another chance to make our marriage right and to bring his family back together again. There were many instances where he had to rebuke the devil because the people around him kept encouraging him to give up on his marriage. But my husband knew what God had promised him – to restore our marriage and our family.

Now because I was not around my husband during these times, I didn’t realize the change that was taking place within him. On top of the negativity that was around him, I rebuked every proposal he made for us to get back together. Nothing he said could change how I was feeling. My mission was to get a divorce. Eventually, I began to tune out all of the distractions that were in my life at that time and ask God what His plans were for my life and for my family. Every time I would hear God’s voice, I overrode whatever He was telling me with how I was feeling. I always had a “but God…”. 

One evening as I parked my car, God broke me down, I started to weep. I didn’t know or understand why, but I couldn’t stop. I could hear God telling me that my husband was the man He has ordained for my life. That He was going to make my husband into the man that I “needed” not just the man I “wanted”. What that meant was God was telling me that the man I had been wanting my husband to be wasn’t enough. He was going to make my husband into the man I NEEDED him to be. At that time, I really didn’t know what I needed but God did. The wants I had was nothing compared to the type of husband I needed. The needs that God was equipping him with would help me to become a better woman, wife and mother. But God told me there was one condition…I could not abort my marriage.

I looked up the definition of abort – it means to carry out or undergo the abortion of something. Then I looked up abortion – it means a failure to develop to completion or maturity. So in order for me to receive the promise God made to me about my husband, I could not give up on my marriage prematurely – I needed to give it more time to develop to completion and mature! This was beyond powerful to me!

Our separation was during our seventh year of marriage – we just celebrated our thirteenth year of marriage! God WILL restore and heal your marriage as long as you don’t have an abortion. We can’t put a time limit on God, but we do know if He said it, then He will do it. Stand on His word and His promise for your marriage. Don’t let the world or other people in your life dictate what you should do about YOUR marriage. Only God has the answer for you. Seek Him first about everything. If there is hurt in your marriage, then ask God for healing – whatever it is His name is above it! There is nothing too hard for God, even when you think there’s no hope. Take your eyes off of man and keep them on God. God will do just what He says He will do – He will fulfill every promise to you!

Where would my family be today had we aborted our marriage prematurely? The destiny of others are connected to your marriage. You have to realize there is a bigger picture besides you and your husband. My marriage almost ended based on emotions – how I felt. I allowed my flesh and soul to overpower my spirit – therefore, I wasn’t being spirit-led. My decisions were being led by my flesh and my soul (my emotions). Don’t let your emotions dictate your future – be Spirit filled and Spirit-led. God will never steer you wrong.

Are you contemplating divorce? What has God said to you about your marriage? Spend private time with God and ask Him for wisdom and guidance and don’t move until He instructs you. Our own will causes us to abort prematurely. Have you allowed your marriage to develop to completion or maturity? A marriage can survive through anything; it just depends on your willingness to fight for it! Don’t have an abortion!

Restoration after an affair...is it possible?

Do you believe a marriage can be restored after it has experienced infidelity?

Share your thoughts and/or personal experience dealing with infidelity in your relationship. 

What is “striving for oneness”

    In order to get the true meaning of “striving for oneness”, we need to exam and define each word. Let’s begin with the word: striving - (v). to make great efforts to achieve or obtain something; to struggle or fight vigorously, to exert much effort or energy; to compete eagerly with others for victory. Now let’s define the word: oneness - (n). the fact or state of being unified or whole, though composed of two or more parts; singleness or wholeness; a state or condition of perfect harmony or accord; a strong feeling of closeness or affinity; union.

    Striving for oneness should be the ultimate goal of every married couple. The definitions above describe that actions must be taken in order for this to be achieved. We must make an effort in every aspect of our marriage to obtain oneness. With striving, there will come struggles and fights that you will have to endure. Accomplishing oneness will not be easy, however, with God it is possible. God's plan for marriage is that a husband and wife become one.


    Since the union of marriage was instituted by God, He is needed in order to sustain it. There are three aspects which are the basics of marriage: 1) a man will leave his parents and promise himself to his wife, 2) the man and woman are joined together by taking responsibility for each other's welfare and by loving their mate above all others, 3) the two become one flesh in the intimacy and commitment of the sexual union that is reserved for marriage. A strong marriage will include all three of these basic aspects.


    Having oneness in marriage does not mean losing your own personality within the personality of the other. Instead, oneness means you caring for your spouse as you would care for yourself . Marriage merges two people in a way that little can affect one without also affecting the other. It's a precious relationship that requires tender self-sacrificing care. You should know and anticipate the needs of your spouse.

    If you are currently married, getting married or plan to be married, strive for oneness in that relationship. Let no one or nothing destroy the union and covenant you have made to God. I cannot stress enough how being married and striving for oneness is not easy. There will be many obstacles to overcome. But both the husband and wife must be determined to not give up prematurely. Giving up, separating from one another, or getting a divorce should no be an option.

    When you find your relationship being challenged, seek God for guidance, wisdom and strength. He will equip you with the tools needed to overcome whatever you are going through. We must lean not on our own understanding but trust God. He knows the plans He has for you and your spouse. He will never lead you or forsake you, therefore, don't give up on God because He will never give up on you.

    My husband and I are living witnesses that God is a restorer, a healer, and a deliverer. He freed us and delivered us out of our mess. He healed all the hurt we caused one another and then restored us so that we can move forward and fulfill the purpose He had ordained for us. I cannot imagine what our lives would be like if God would have not stepped in when we felt like there was no hope for us and wanted to walk out on our marriage.

Reflections
  
Are you and your spouse striving for oneness? Or are you allowing the spirit of defeat, frustration, and separation to overcome you? Write down the areas in your marriage you want God to help you with. Pray and ask God to help you in each area. Then have faith, believe and declare the victory over those areas until you see change occur. TAKE AUTHORITY OVER YOUR MARRIAGE!